I don’t why I think this way. I’m pushing myself down. As I listen to a near eardrum-breaking music through my headsets, my mind is trying to build an idea, out of my consciousness, the next thing I know, I’ve been wondering about those thoughts in my head. I had no idea where they come from. As the clock strikes 12 and the Moonlight Sonata plays its first movement, I find myself writing this journal.

I don’t know why those some people who have dreams, those who have unorthodox skills, are the ones who finish the race last. They have been cheated. No one believes. But against all odds they must continue. They ask, why those with power are the ones whom others only believe. Have they no trust in me? Have they no idea that those people who they push around may one day, be the one laughing at them? At for this moment, that thought runs through my head for many times.

I don’t want to think negative. All I want to let my heart shout its dilemma, its quandary. What could be worse than finding yourself losing the game and learning that there is no there chance to catch up? Than making yourself up that goal, but you can’t just because you’re being pushed back? What could be next, a gun pointing at you? Or knowing that a knife is about to cut your neck?

I believe that the factor that makes them look so authoritative is their power. They always believe that no one can beat them. Wipe out their influences, what could they do, if they are poorer than a rat living in sewage? What I don’t understand is why some people change their point of view for those people who they think might erase them over the earth. There is no difference between them. I believe they are under an illusion, a choice. As what a movie character says,

“Choice is an illusion created between those with power and those without.”

I don’t know if you will believe in this, but I do. I have proven it many times before, and I was fool not learning it myself.